Police blotter

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stuartinmn
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Police blotter

Post by stuartinmn »

The local newspaper runs a Police Blotter section once a week, with crime reports from the local police departments. Most of the reports are for serious crimes, but I think they like to throw in a few silly ones each week just for the heck of it.

June 27 - Property damage

Somebody had covered several vehicles with food in the 16400 block of County Road 47. Three vehicles had food, including peanut butter, jelly, pudding and cereal, on them.

July 6 - Suspicious person

There was a report of a suspicious person holding a screwdriver by the ATM at Wells Fargo Bank in Excelsior.

The man was servicing the machine.
wkohler
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Post by wkohler »

The 2nd one is classic.
henrynh
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Post by henrynh »

Good stuff. There's a local paper for Sunriver, a small resort type town in central Oregon, and they have a "Cop Log". I read one years ago that was something like:

"Officer visits scene to investigate reports of open fire. Birthday candles were extinguished when the officer arrived. Residents cautioned against candle use and allowed to eat cake.
wkohler
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Post by wkohler »

My favorite are small town papers that list who doesn't pay their water bill and who has been fined for dandelions in their lawn.
Shawn D.
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Post by Shawn D. »

Ooh... Y'all would enjoy the Creative Loafing "Bad Habits" section:

O BROTHER, WHERE ART THOU? A 46-year-old man called 911 and said a Man in Short Pants was trying to stab his mother. An officer turned on his sirens and sped over to the apartment on Henry Thomas Drive. As the officer walked up, the 46-year-old man said, "He's in there, get him!" The officer drew his gun and walked into the apartment. He talked to the mother -- turns out the 46-year-old and the Man in Short Pants are brothers. The Man in Short Pants said he and his brother were fighting over some sausage that was eaten. The officer asked the mother: "Did either of your sons pull a knife on you and try to stab you?" The mother replied, "No, of course not." The officer asked the 46-year-old man: "Tell me the truth, was anyone trying to stab your mother?" He replied, "No, I lied to get you here quicker." The officer explained that three more police officers were headed to the apartment, and he had pulled out his gun because the man lied to the 911 operator. The officer collected the man's sneakers and arrested him for falsely reporting a crime.

OFFICE ROMANCE REVEALED? A woman said a co-worker had copied her book, called Thorn in My Side -- In an Internal Affair, and distributed it around the office. The woman "is reporting a copyright infringement," an officer wrote. According to the police report, the woman works at the Fulton County Government Center on Pryor Street.

HIGH MARKS FOR AIRPORT SECURITY: A man said 13 rounds of ammunition were missing from his luggage when it arrived at Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport. No other items were missing from his bags.

PUTTIN' ON THE RITZ: Police got a call from employees at a posh hotel on Peachtree Street. As an officer neared the hotel, he saw a 52-year-old woman running from two men in business suits. He quickly stopped the woman. A hotel security guard said the woman had checked into two separate rooms and this was caught on surveillance tape. He said hotel employees were suspicious because an old Coca-Cola business account number was used to reserve the rooms.

So the security guard went to one of her hotel rooms and asked the woman for ID and a credit card. According to the guard, the woman said her daughter had those items and she wouldn't be back for several hours. She offered up her Social Security card instead. The guard asked her to go with him to the hotel office. He said they rode in the elevator together, and when they reached the lobby, the woman took off running. Total charges for the two hotel rooms: $3,226.89. She went to jail.

NEAT-FREAK HATER? A woman said she returned to her apartment on Harwell Road and noticed that the back door was kicked in and damaged. She said she looked around, and realized that her bed and closets were messed up. Nothing was missing from her apartment, she said.

WALKING IN ATLANTA: A man said he fell into a hole on the sidewalk at the intersection of Hortense Place and Donald Lee Hollowell Parkway. He had a minor injury on his leg. The 48-year-old man said he is diabetic, and he wanted a police report because he might have trouble with his leg later on. "The hole is about three feet deep and about as wide as a soccer ball," the officer wrote. Medics checked out the man. They said he had high blood pressure, but his leg was OK. The officer reported the hole and said it needed to be covered up. The man refused further medical treatment and he walked home.

NUTTY NEIGHBOR AWARD: A man said his neighbor (a guy known as "Freak") came to his front door and asked to use his telephone. The man refused to let Freak use the phone. Apparently, Freak just freaked out. The man said Freak kicked his front door, causing damage to the frame. Then, the man said he and Freak got into a brawl outside his apartment on Martin Luther King Jr. Drive. Apparently, Freak fled before police arrived. The man said his hand was injured in the fight with Freak, but he refused medical treatment. He doesn't know Freak's real name.

SO TO SPEAK: At Piedmont Hospital, a doctor reported that a patient said he was going to kill a man named "Spook" or "Spoke" -- and then shoot himself. Police arrived and talked to the patient, a 39-year-old man. The patient then said a man named "Spook" or "Spoon" had pulled a gun on him near Peachtree Road and Broad Street. He described the guy called Spook, Spoke or Spoon as a bald man.

LABOR PAINS: A woman said someone keyed the word "Bitch" on her car's trunk and side while it was parked outside a Checkers fast-food restaurant on Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard. (The woman works at this Checkers.) She said she suspects a disgruntled ex-employee, who was fired for stealing money. The officer wrote: "The employee returned to return her uniform -- the same night her car was damaged. Coincidence?"

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words. Want more? Listen to the Blotter Diva on 92.9's (Dave FM) "The Zakk Tyler Morning Show" every Tuesday between 6:30-7 a.m.
RonP
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Post by RonP »

Stuart,

You better sell and get out of there, it seems like a small terrorist network setting up there! :laugh:
wkohler
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Post by wkohler »

RonP wrote:Stuart,

You better sell and get out of there, it seems like a small terrorist network setting up there! :laugh:
:rofl:
stuartinmn
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Post by stuartinmn »

RonP wrote:Stuart,

You better sell and get out of there, it seems like a small terrorist network setting up there! :laugh:
:D Unfortunately, those reports were from the suburbs...the police blotter around where I live in the inner city usually isn't as humorous.

Here are some more reports of the crime wave out in the 'burbs:

JUNE 8

Fishing complaint. Police received a report that people were throwing dead fish on the road in the 2300 block of Independence Road.

JUNE 1

Suspicious activity. Residents reported finding what they said appeared to be a human skull in their front yard. Upon further inspection by an officer, it was determined the object was a large mushroom.

JUNE 2

Animal complaint. Police received a report of an injured horse. The horse was checked by officers and it appeared the horse was just trying to scratch an itch.

JUNE 8

Animal assist. Police helped a duck and her ducklings cross the highway.

MAY 17

Suspicious person. Police received a report of a suspicious person near Hwy. 55 and County Road 116. Officers arrived at the scene and found a beekeeper delivering bees.

APRIL 29

Theft. A man threw his shoes on the roof of a townhouse in the 1100 block of Wagon Wheel Road. The man wanted to pursue theft charges, but police advised him that it was not a theft.
C.R. Krieger
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Post by C.R. Krieger »

A classic from my old hometown newspaper from about 20 years ago. I don't have the clipping right now, but this is the gist:

Sheriff's deputies responded to a call from a rural Midvale man who reported that his neighbor was dead. Arriving at the neighbor's mobile home, they could see him sitting motionless in a chair in front of his TV. When they knocked loudly, he came to the door, where they asked him why he hadn't responded to his neighbor's knocks. "Because he knows I got a cold six-pack in the refrigerator and I ain't about to share it with him." :laugh:
sixseries
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Post by sixseries »

henrynh wrote:Good stuff. There's a local paper for Sunriver, a small resort type town in central Oregon, and they have a "Cop Log". I read one years ago that was something like:

"Officer visits scene to investigate reports of open fire. Birthday candles were extinguished when the officer arrived. Residents cautioned against candle use and allowed to eat cake.
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: i was just there.
stuartinmn
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Re: Police blotter

Post by stuartinmn »

Bumping this one to the top, for a new police blotter report. :)

October 20
Excelsior, MN
Suspicious Activity: A man reported finding acorns and walnuts under the hood of his vehicle on 2nd Avenue and Mill Street. He was informed the suspect was probably a squirrel.
Karl Grau
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Re: Police blotter

Post by Karl Grau »

Image
Adam W in MN
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Re: Police blotter

Post by Adam W in MN »

Holy crap I laughed so hard.
adrian in florida
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Re: Police blotter

Post by adrian in florida »

I live in this area called Lakewood Ranch. They have a little paper and each week have a crime log. They only print the pettiest of incidents. I think its to help sell realestate because the crimes are so bloody petty its funny. :)
stuartinmn
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Re: Police blotter

Post by stuartinmn »

Latest news:

MEDINA

MARCH 19

Disturbance: Someone reported an unwanted woman playing bagpipes in the parking lot of Polaris, 2100 Hwy. 55. The woman explained she was hired to play in the lot. Officers confirmed with the company that she was approved to be on the property.
Karl Grau
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Re: Police blotter

Post by Karl Grau »

Here in San Diego a couple of days ago. No comment.

http://www.10news.com/news/driver-arres ... p-on-i-805
wkohler
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Re: Police blotter

Post by wkohler »

Karl Grau wrote:Here in San Diego a couple of days ago. No comment.

http://www.10news.com/news/driver-arres ... p-on-i-805
If you don't watch the video, the story seems pretty normal!
Tammer in Philly
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Re:

Post by Tammer in Philly »

henrynh wrote:Good stuff. There's a local paper for Sunriver, a small resort type town in central Oregon, and they have a "Cop Log". I read one years ago that was something like:

"Officer visits scene to investigate reports of open fire. Birthday candles were extinguished when the officer arrived. Residents cautioned against candle use and allowed to eat cake.
My hometown paper in Indiana had the "Boone Beat" (Boone County). We would read it every Monday in school to see who got picked up for underage drinking.

-tammer
geordi
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Re: Police blotter

Post by geordi »

Karl Grau wrote:Here in San Diego a couple of days ago. No comment.

http://www.10news.com/news/driver-arres ... p-on-i-805
I couldn't find the wig in the carnage. Considering the way he was accessorized, my bet is blonde.
stuartinmn
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Re: Police blotter

Post by stuartinmn »

Not a police blotter item, but I thought it was funny anyway...I was looking at Google News this morning, and noticed this headline on Fox News: "Bruce Jenner reveals that he is a Republican."
Tammer in Philly
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Re: Police blotter

Post by Tammer in Philly »

stuartinmn wrote:Not a police blotter item, but I thought it was funny anyway...I was looking at Google News this morning, and noticed this headline on Fox News: "Bruce Jenner reveals that he is a Republican."
Given his family, this is bigger news than coming out as a woman.
stuartinmn
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Re: Police blotter

Post by stuartinmn »

Saw this on the news tonight:

MINNEAPOLIS - A 14-year-old girl who was riding her bicycle on the shoulder of Interstate 94 told a State Patrol trooper she was just following her Google Map route. The girl told the trooper she was heading home and looked up a route on Google Maps. The app directed her to take I-94, she said. The teen was spotted riding westbound on I-94 around 8 a.m. A motorist called authorities and a trooper soon located the bicyclist near the Cretin Avenue exit. The trooper notified the girl's parents, then escorted her off the freeway and onto city streets to continue her route home.

http://www.kare11.com/story/news/local/ ... /28809295/
Adam W in MN
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Re: Police blotter

Post by Adam W in MN »

My turn, from the Southwest Review (local paper for West St Paul and Inver Grove Heights area of Twin Cities).

"A resident called police to request that an officer stop by to watch cars speeding in the area of Bernard Street and Livingston Avenue at 9:30 PM June 22. The resident was concerned that the cars were jumping speed bumps. An Officer discreetly watched 28 Cars drive in that area all of which were driving at or under the speed limit and all slowed down to at least 10 mph when crossing the speed bumps. The officer noted that the only people jumping bumps were a few kids on bikes. The officer reported that they too were going under 10 mph."
Karl Grau
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Re: Police blotter

Post by Karl Grau »

Investigators from the City Attorney's Consumer and Environmental Protection Unit purchased advertised "lobster rolls" from various sushi restaurants throughout San Diego, then sent them to a laboratory where DNA testing confirmed that no lobster was found in any of the rolls.

Lobster fraud
ahab
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Re: Police blotter

Post by ahab »

A Lakewood man crashed his German sports sedan at a Southern California racetrack earlier this year but told his auto insurer the accident happened in the local mountains, lying his way to a near-$65,000 payout, prosecutors allege.

Lakewood man suspected of crashing car on racetrack, then lying to insurer
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