The E28 Is The King Of All Roadcars! Here's Why.

General conversations about BMW E28s and the people who own them.
Enchanter
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Joined: Feb 12, 2006 1:00 PM

The E28 Is The King Of All Roadcars! Here's Why.

Post by Enchanter »

All of the talk about modern cars being so much faster than an E28.. WHY would you want to own a new modern FAST and service free car with ZERO problems??? Own an E28 and you are rewarded with:

State Of The Art On Board Computer (WITH a timer!!). It will even dim when you press the BRAKES and use turn signals!

Real (not retro) 1970's drivetrain and suspension technology

Guaranteed Door Creaks. (Haunted House Package)

Loose Front Suspension (even weeks after replacement)

Sloppy Shifter (adds excitement!! Gives the "Am I in 1st or Reverse effect!)

A malfunctioning service indicator that shows both GREEN and RED at the same time. Let's you decide if you need service.

Custom Wharping Front Rotors. Right out of the box!! This way you can tell your friends it happened at the racetrack on the main straight at 160 mph.

Leaking Taillight Gaskets (make from packing peanuts)

Leaking Trunk Gasket (also known as the "Humidity Package.. Good for storing vegitables and mushrooms)

Leaking Windshield Gasket with fading fake aluminum lock strips. IF you are lucky to have the shadowline package, the lock strips also shrink. LIKE MAGIC!

Leaking Window Channel Gaskets On Side Windows. Add to the drama of driving. The wind noise would make you think you were rolling at 120 mph, when in reality you are in the parking lot of McDonalds.

Leaking Sunroof Gasket (Also called the Baptismal Package)

Driveshaft Vibration

An Analog Econometer!! Such a great feeling to keep that needle in 40 mpg!! Be sure to keep those hazards on and keep that 40mph to the right lane! It could also be used to hypnotize an unsuspecting driver. Who would have thought!

Authentic Chevy Nova Sealed Beam Headlights.

Power Headrests That Sound Like Gobots, But dont move.

High intensity dome lights and trunk lights. Clearly the germans don't want to see what the girl next to them looks like on the way home from the pub.

High Performance Michelin TRX 200 or 220/390 tires (if you are lucky).

Rusted Tool Kit (In conjunction with leaking trunk)

A car that actually makes you press the "Brake" pedal just to get rid of a damn flashing "Brake Light" message. Awesome.

You are also instantly brainwashed when driving an E28. For example: You are sitting at a light in your 1983 528e, modified heavily with a chip and Bav Auto exhaust. Your K&N filter just cleaned and a fresh valve adjustment done. You are king of the road! A Buick Roadmaster pulls along side. You look over to your buddy in the passanger seat and tell him to hang on. This time, you are going to manually shift the Auto Trans like a paddleshift F1 car. You made sure to get all of the coins out of the hairy slit on the shifter plate. You bring the selector down to "1" and wait for the Green Light. As soon as you get the green, both cars are off!! Neck in Neck both cars accelerate wildly up to the posted speed limit. You are pulling away from the buick!! All of the sudden you see the buick pull off into a parking lot of a church that is having senior citizen bingo that same night. Clearly the driver of the buick was so embarrassed, he and his wife Mildred had to pull off to the church parking lot and wait a few minutes for your E28 to get down the road a little... Another Kill For The E28!!! YES!

Thanks to the new 335i turbo, people will surely think your 535i or 635csi is turbo charged as well. The old 545i badge is clearly not going to fool people. There is no turbo in a 745i.

It is rumored that the E28 shares some of the same electronic engine management as Porshe and EVEN THE SPACE SHUTTLE!! Talk about technology!


So you see folks, These cars are second to NONE. Keep racing those Mustang GT's and winning. Keep winning those autocrosses. Keep passing the porsches at Watkins Glen. Only you know what secret weapon you bear when you turn that .5 watt lighted key.
RoyW
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Post by RoyW »

I don't know whether to laugh (which i did) or cry!! You pretty much nailed it!

Perhaps it having the opportunity to fix or live with all these flaws that builds are personal and emotional attachment to these great old cars... or maybe it's the classic and distinct look or that bullet-proof in-line 6??

Problem is, you can create a list like this for virtually every car ever made, some longer than others... but the real test is how the car makes you feel when you look at it and drive it. Some things just defy logic!
Tim in N FL
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Post by Tim in N FL »

Hey Tim,

:banana:Long live the e28!:banana:

Reading your send-off of the e28 chassis was both hilarious and crazy making. But, like others have said in this thread, I still love these cars. I had never seen such a cogent statement of all the pros and cons of the e28 chassis listed in one write-up. Clearly, this is "one for the ages" and belongs in the e28 FAQ. Thanks for taking the time to prepare this comedic meta-analysis of our beloved steeds. Hey, wait a second, I just saw a Buick Roadmaster Wagon cruise by my house. The driver was clearly gawkin' and talkin' trash about my e28. Maybe he's lookin' to drag? And so...I must be off. I am never one to turn down a chance to let the "big dog" EAT (m30b34 mit D'Sylva EAT performance chip).
Cheers,
Tim
:rofl:

p.s.
FWIW...Tammer is known to pass Porsches in his e28 ///M5 at VIR and elsewhere ;)
Last edited by Tim in N FL on Oct 28, 2006 9:44 AM, edited 3 times in total.
a
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Post by a »

yup you nailed it dead on. BTW, really enjoyed seeing your creative usage of dash crack as coinholder. Turn those lemons into lemonade.
M635CSi
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Post by M635CSi »

Thank you!!!

I laughed out loud reading that. Anyone who owns one of these wonderful cars can identify with at least a few of the things on that list. Funny thing is, it doesn't make me want the car one bit less...
a
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Post by a »

M635CSi wrote:Thank you!!!

I laughed out loud reading that list. Anyone who owns one of these wonderful cars can identify with at least a few of the things on that list. Funny thing is, it doesn't make me want the car one bit less...
yup, consider the alternatives
spinedocab
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Post by spinedocab »

:rofl: True Dat. Mostly all o' Dat. But still love the old beasts!

Andrew.
Geerhed
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Post by Geerhed »

Need to put check marks next to each item so we can keep track of each one that's happened to us (I believe I've had all but the Baptismal Sunroof and Drive Shaft woes).

By the way, many Buick Roadmasters came with the LT-1 350 engine - they'll burn the rear tires off. Conversely, if you can manage to launch the LT-1 with the rear tires hooked up it's a helluva sleeper.
RonW
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Post by RonW »

In 20 years that "modern FAST and service free car with ZERO problems" will be 20 years old, and the e28 will be 40.

What will the "new" car's list look like then, compared to either the 20 year-old or the by-then 40 year-old e28's list?
BMWCCA2
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Post by BMWCCA2 »

Great read and very clever!

Of course it all means nothing when I'm rocketing around the rural roads in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains, since I've always been fond of the handling of '70s BMW suspensions. Recirculating-ball steering was only replaced by rack-and-pinion because the latter is cheaper. Part of my job is to drive new BMW cars and I'm constantly amazed, when I get back in my E28, how precise the steering is on the older car and the great feedback the driver gets when driven on the twisties. You can choose to be isolated in your E-anything-after-28 Fiver, or enjoy the lack of car payments and just drive your E28. Maybe the E90 comes closest to our old cars but then they start at $40k. Are RunFlats the TRX of the new millennium? Naah, the rims are still measured in inches, but they'll be maligned as much—trust me.
Tammer in Philly
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Re: The E28 Is The King Of All Roadcars! Here's Why.

Post by Tammer in Philly »

Enchanter wrote:You are also instantly brainwashed when driving an E28. For example: You are sitting at a light in your 1983 528e, modified heavily with a chip and Bav Auto exhaust. Your K&N filter just cleaned and a fresh valve adjustment done. You are king of the road! A Buick Roadmaster pulls along side. You look over to your buddy in the passanger seat and tell him to hang on. This time, you are going to manually shift the Auto Trans like a paddleshift F1 car. You made sure to get all of the coins out of the hairy slit on the shifter plate. You bring the selector down to "1" and wait for the Green Light. As soon as you get the green, both cars are off!! Neck in Neck both cars accelerate wildly up to the posted speed limit. You are pulling away from the buick!! All of the sudden you see the buick pull off into a parking lot of a church that is having senior citizen bingo that same night. Clearly the driver of the buick was so embarrassed, he and his wife Mildred had to pull off to the church parking lot and wait a few minutes for your E28 to get down the road a little... Another Kill For The E28!!! YES!
Hilarious, thanks. Except I'm sending you a bill for my laptop keyboard, which I just spit tea all over! ;-)

-tammer <--also doesn't want his E28s less after reading this, true as it is.
Wiseguy
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Post by Wiseguy »

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

My car is special Tim, I am installing an Eva Braun-proof rubber band launcher on the roof of it.
smootch
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Post by smootch »

Love the post but let add another

Hit breaks radio cuts off
a personal favorite of mine

I'm sure I'll think of more but gots to run
GregATL
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Post by GregATL »

Wiseguy wrote::rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

My car is special Tim, I am installing an Eva Braun-proof rubber band launcher on the roof of it.
Any plans to market these? I may want one if you can come up with a snazzy picture. :D
Wiseguy
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Post by Wiseguy »

GregATL wrote:
Wiseguy wrote::rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

My car is special Tim, I am installing an Eva Braun-proof rubber band launcher on the roof of it.
Any plans to market these? I may want one if you can come up with a snazzy picture. :D
Currently in development. TIm and MikeK have a prototype :laugh:
Enchanter
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In no way was this post meant to be funny...

Post by Enchanter »

More of a sad kind of post.... My thoughts......

It is nice to see all of you wackos still on here.

Tim in FL has to be the #1 responder on the internet! Do you have MYE28.com transmitted into your brain??!

I am F'in shocked Shawn D didn't correct any of my sentences or correct my statements.

I am shocked Todd didn't ask me to post a timeslip.

I am shocked Duke didn't ask for a dynosheet.

Also shocking is that Ed W in NJ didn't call me a dick.

Ted didn't respond because he was too busy chasing down beer trucks around Toronto.

Jeremy didn't respond because he is assisting Ted on the above line.

Mike K - It is MY CAR AGAIN. Stop your crying bitch. YES, it will need a new clutch....and diff.....and rear tires.......

Bill - Are you sure you have the RIGHT KEY TO THE RIGHT M5??
DRP535
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Post by DRP535 »

Nice list. Nice because I mentally used it as a checklist for my car. My car currently has not one item on that list wrong with it. Although I do have to press the brake pedal to cancel the check control warning as designed, but everything else is either a problem I've had in the past and had corrected or never experienced at all to date.
Bonapartist
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Location: California

Post by Bonapartist »

The go-bot headrests was definitely worth a hearty laugh.

I WISH I could laugh about the front suspension.

And my left speaker channel keeps going out everytime I hit a pothole, or turn, or the keychain womps the center, or I blink. Wish I had the money to fix the front suspension and the energy to clean the radio...

On a seperate note, I always thought it would be kind of cool to own a big, ugly, faux-wood paneled buick roadmaster wagon with a nice LT1. If you think the e28 looks like a sleeper!
Last edited by Bonapartist on Oct 29, 2006 9:04 PM, edited 2 times in total.
Wiseguy
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Re: In no way was this post meant to be funny...

Post by Wiseguy »

Audi Targetmaster wrote:More of a sad kind of post.... My thoughts......
:bawl: :bawl:
Sneaky Bastard who got owned wrote:Bill - Are you sure you have the RIGHT KEY TO THE RIGHT M5??


:laugh: :laugh:

ALWAYS Carry a spare ;)
T_C_D
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Re: In no way was this post meant to be funny...

Post by T_C_D »

Enchanter wrote:
I am shocked Todd didn't ask me to post a timeslip.
I don't ask for time slips anymore. I know my cars are the fastest. :rofl:
Ted in T.O.
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Post by Ted in T.O. »

Let's see now Tim.It appears to me that you have come back to the board to say hi and stirr things up a bit.Glad to see you back again.This all started when you saw 20 E28's at Bav Auto and you did not own any of them. :shock:.OOPS! Sorry! You now own Mike K's M5 which is the one you sold him. You and Arjun are driving around in e30's but your friends are still enjoying their E28's.You still don't own mine either. :D Something tells me that you are after Jeremy's and my job of chasing Beer trucks because we are having fun and you are not. :lol:Even Kelly complained to me about your E30.Just take all the comments in fun Tim when you consider the source.Luv ya Tim. ;)

Nanookie of the Great White North.
pingaloca
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Post by pingaloca »

wow!! u really broke it down i could put a check mark on all of them when i first got my e28..my elbows still hurt :cry: from the warped rotors,bad front end bushings, i took the gold fish i found swimming in the trunk :shock: an the frogs under the rear part of the carpet to pet shop!!
B7Turbo
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Post by B7Turbo »

I am not sure what to say, I believe any of us in under different circumstances, when we were younger one of our family member, relatives or a friend owned an e12 or an e28 and we always admired and loved this marquee, the design, quality of German workmanship, the strong M30s or M20, handling, etc., and know it has been 30 years since the first E12 rolled out of the line and 24 years for e28. If you can find a car that out last any other cars regardless of make or model deserve to be on road, cherished, supped up, fixed up and you name it.

There are some owners that tend to skip fixing some of the things that went wrong with the cars previously and those things will accumulate whit new problems created from those previous problems and when they decide to fix them, it is too late, either is expensive to fix or the car is so far gun that you may as well by another one.

The gentleman that wroth the funny comments regarding e28, either never driven a nice solid well serviced e28 that he could feel the difference in level of performance that is next to non even with the new cars standards and leave the Buick in dust.

I don’t know what kind of JALOPY you are driving but mine certainly doesn’t fit you description buddy!

Thanks for the tip
mogie
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Post by mogie »

Haha, very well written! I liked that, awesome description of the extras of owning an e28 lol, but it all makes it so worth owning one in the long run :D
Kyle in NO
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Post by Kyle in NO »

Sia, he had the other silver Alpina car at 5er Fest '05 that would give yours some competition in the cleanliness category! It was all in joking fun, but ALL of our cars had at least some of these problems if not all of them at some point in time...don't kid yourself!
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